Genesis: Born in 1997 in East London
Growing up half Italian and half Caribbean in East London in the 1990s shaped many aspects of my identity, including my hair. My mother, who also had curly hair, faced her own battles with heat damage over the years, which transformed her once vibrant curls into something quite different. From a young age, she was determined to educate herself on how to properly care for curly hair, ensuring that I would never feel out of place for having curls.
Thanks to her efforts, I was privileged to have my hair meticulously looked after. My curls hung almost to my waist, full of life and untouched by harsh chemicals. As a child, my hair was a symbol of my unique heritage, and I relished in the luxury of having it flourish under my mother’s care without ever feeling the need to conform to other beauty standards.
Secondary School: A Change in Essex
Transitioning to secondary school in Essex marked a significant change in my environment and how I viewed myself. Here, the conventional standards of beauty seemed diametrically opposed to my appearance. Media representations, especially on TV, only amplified my feelings of inadequacy. I remember spending countless hours in front of the mirror, questioning my natural beauty, and pleading with my mother, “Why can’t I have straight hair?”
At the tender age of 12, in a moment of desperation, I relaxed my hair. The result was disastrous—my once vibrant curls were burnt beyond recognition. That day, when my mother returned home and saw the damage, she was heartbroken, and immediately we went to the hairdresser for my first-ever big chop. My long, lovingly cared-for hair was cut to shoulder length, leaving me devastated. I spent many days afterward crying every time I looked in the mirror.
As I navigated my teenage years, at 13, I had my first Brazilian blowdry—a decision I would come to regret later in life. However, the initial treatments seemed beneficial, making my hair more manageable as I grew older. By 15, I began wearing my hair curly again and was surprised to receive compliments at school. This was unexpected and somewhat surreal; I could hardly believe that my peers might see my natural hair as beautiful.
In year 11, during a school vote about who had the “coolest hair,” I was shocked to find that many of my classmates voted for me. Though I didn’t win, the recognition brought a genuine smile to my face. Comments like, “OMG, is that your real hair? Is it a perm? Can I touch it?” became more frequent, but they didn’t bother me much as I felt as though they were only curious and we were young teens.
College in London: A World of Diversity and Experimentation
My college years marked a significant shift in my hair journey. Attending new sixth form in a culturally diverse setting in London, I felt a strong sense of belonging and was surrounded by peers who looked more like me. This environment was nurturing for both my identity and my hair. It was during these years that I began to experiment with various hairstyles and embracing the rich diversity of hair styling.
By this time, my hair had grown past my shoulders again, regaining its length and health. However, the urge to experiment led me down another challenging path. Years before, I had used henna dye on my hair, which set the stage for a coloring mishap when I decided to dye it light brown during college. The result was disastrous: half of my head turned light brown while the rest remained unchanged due to the previous henna treatment. Once again, my mother had to intervene, taking me to the hairdresser to fix the uneven dye job. The solution involved bleach, leading to another significant chop. Despite this setback, I began growing my hair out again, even playing with more bleaching at the ends.
Off to University: Learning the Hard Way
By the time I started university, my hair had suffered considerably where I had applied bleach. Following my mother’s advice, we cut my hair every couple of weeks to remove the damaged ends gradually. This method allowed me to eventually grow out all the damaged hair. University was a period of prolonged self-discovery, not just academically—I switched degrees—but also in terms of personal style and hair care.
However, I hadn’t quite learned my lesson about chemical treatments. The temptation to try something new led me to get a balayage. I ended up bleaching my hair not once, but twice, followed by another Brazilian blow dry. At the time, I thought it looked fantastic, but in hindsight, my curl pattern suffered tremendously.
Eventually, I grew tired of the constant maintenance and damage. In a decisive move, I dyed my hair back to dark, only to bleach it again myself, and then resolved to get another big chop, this time just a bit longer than a bob. It might seem a bit extreme, but this marked another turning point in my curly hair journey.
Adult Years: Embracing Identity and Overcoming Insecurity
By 2021, I had moved further into London and was still navigating the complex journey of managing my curly hair. This period was marked by experimenting with various curly hair products, embracing my natural curls more consistently, and occasionally straightening my hair. Looking back at old photos, I could see that my hair was healthy, but the curl pattern had not fully recovered from my previous treatments.
At the age of 24, I met the love of my life, who admired my hair and often complimented its beauty. This acceptance was heartwarming and seemed to be a turning point in how I viewed my hair. However, when the time came to meet his family, old insecurities resurfaced. Worried that they might find my natural hair less appealing or unprofessional, I decided to get a Brazilian blowdry—hoping it would make a good impression.
This decision, driven by fear, led to a critical mistake. The treatment caused irreversible heat damage. When I washed my hair afterward, it remained completely straight, a stark contrast to its usual texture. I clung to the hope that this change was temporary and that my curls would eventually return. On the day I met his family, to my surprise and dismay, I discovered they all had curly hair much like mine. Although I was initially thrilled to see this, I was simultaneously heartbroken by my own actions; I had let my insecurities lead me to alter my appearance in a way that was fundamentally unnecessary.
This moment of realisation was profound. I reached out to my mother, who reminded me of a crucial life lesson: “No matter who you cross paths with in life, you should never change the way you look for anyone. People should love and accept you just as you are.” Her words resonated deeply, reinforcing the idea that my natural self was enough.
At the beginning of 2023, I decided to make a significant change—I cut almost all my hair off. This decision was not just about starting fresh; it was a powerful act of letting go of the damage, fear, and pride that had held me back. The experience was incredibly liberating. It wasn’t just about removing the physically damaged hair; it was about shedding the emotional baggage that had come with years of struggling against my natural beauty.
Since then, I have embraced my natural hair texture and have not straightened it. The support from my mum, partner, his family, and my close friends has been invaluable. Their love and encouragement have played a crucial role in my journey towards self-acceptance.
Cutting off my hair was both humbling and empowering. It was a poignant reminder of all that I had obsessed over throughout my life, and also a celebration of newfound freedom and self-acceptance. To anyone in the curly community who is considering embracing their natural form, remember: there is never a “right” time to start, but once you do, it’s an experience filled with growth and joy that you will cherish forever.
Reflecting on these experiences, I realize that each phase of my hair journey mirrored a phase of personal growth and self-realization. From the tentative experiments of my school days to the more radical changes at university, each step, misstep, and recovery taught me more about resilience, self-acceptance, and the importance of embracing my natural beauty. My journey with curly hair has been intertwined with my journey through life—each haircut, color, and style marking a period of my evolution. It’s a narrative of embracing who I am, learning from my mistakes, and moving forward with confidence and a better understanding of my natural curls.
These life experiences, while often painful, were crucial in shaping my relationship with my hair. They taught me resilience and helped me slowly embrace my natural beauty. My curly hair journey, with its ups and downs, reflects not just a personal story, but also a larger narrative of cultural identity, beauty standards, and self-acceptance.